I am Searching For My Next Step

What Is My Purpose?

I accomplished my first big dream. I lived that part of my life with meaning and did it pretty successfully. I got to become a wife and a mom. It had its challenges and our marriage didn’t survive. But I got to have that dream for 22 years.

I get to accept my successes and failures as a wife and mother.

I get to acknowledge what I did good and what I did bad.

I get to look back at all of the good times (we had a lot of fun!) and bad times (we had some really difficult times too). Those beautiful and difficult memories are mine forever.

This almost feels like going to Disneyland in a way…I dreamed and planned and hoped I could be a wife and mother. I got to “go” to that dream. It was fun and exciting. I got to “ride” most of the “rides” I wanted. I rode rides I didn’t want to “ride”, but that’s just part of the experience. And then I “Exited The Park” and went home.

I was able to give birth to four kids like I wanted. I even got to homeschool them for a few years.

I wanted to homeschool until graduation, but all four of my children were born with challenges. The challenges made homeschooling an option for some of the time while we were dealing with food intolerances, going to a slew of doctor appointments, therapy and figuring out what medications were and were not needed to help them become as successful as possible.

My personal goal was to do whatever it took to help them become contributing members of society. They are all adults now. They are all driven to succeed in their own ways. They all made it past the age of 18. And all of them are on their own personal journeys to navigate this world. They are finding their way. Two call and keep in contact with me. Two are figuring out how to have a relationship with me after we hit rocky times in 2018.

I am intrigued that all four of my children asked Jesus in their hearts during their fourth years of life. They don’t remember, but I do. They have had to redecide their paths regarding their faith in Jesus, church and everything else that comes during that journey as they…

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