I just wish my daughters were more affectionate.

They are good young women, 18 and 20. I am approaching “Empty Nest” with the youngest planning to move away to college in the fall. My oldest is away at college for the past couple of years.

Like many in this place in my life, I am finding myself at something of a loss. My marriage has very rarely been fulfilling, as my husband isn’t very supportive and isn’t much in the way of companionship either.

He isn’t a bad person, just someone who isn’t open minded or open to even the concept of working on our marriage. He won’t change, and my need for emotional support is going down a mostly empty well when it comes to our relationship.

My daughters are quite a bit like him, which is so very hard for me. I want affection. Interaction. My oldest does give me a bit of that, but it feels mostly like it’s out of a sense of obligation. My youngest daughter hates getting a hug and kiss from me, talks about her bodily autonomy being infringed upon, although she doesn’t use that particular phrase.

It hurts me when I can’t even get a kiss goodbye from my daughters without an argument. I often don’t even bother anymore.

I am trying to resign myself to this reality that they are unaffectionate like their father. I think of just heading off, relocating on my own sometimes. I then worry that my daughters will pull away from me over time, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I think they don’t realize how hard it is to put myself out for love, and rarely feel like it’s returned. My life is approaching a big transition. I am starting a temporary job this coming week, but have no permanent ties to where I live except my daughters. Sad to say my marriage won’t keep me living here when my youngest leaves as well. I might take temp jobs in other parts of the country with sunnier weather, try out living there.

I figure if I am lonely anyway, I might as well be lonely somewhere with better weather.

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