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2. Your Marital Life is an Offshoot of Your Singlehood.

My 1st Year in Marriage: 5 Life-changing Lessons (Day 2)

Everything that is happening in my marriage didn’t come as a surprise to me. I expected all of them and I see them unfolding on a daily basis.

Some believe that “marriage is an eye opener” and I was never a proponent of such cliché.

I understand you had a partner who told you they were changing before you got married, you even confirmed the changes as they came but got married only to discover they never did change!

No matter what anyone says, you now believe that everyone changes from good to bad in a marriage.

To burst your bubbles, you are wrong! You just didn’t listen to some still small voices and actually forgot that the worst of simpletons can change to adapt to a desire that is temporal.

If you tell your spouse they’ve changed in marriage, they might even deny it. Yes, because they might never have changed! You only acted on some emotional gyrations together for some months. Emotion is that bewitching!

In addition, it’s great to have those counselling sessions few months before you get married but I’m sure and have seen that most of those don’t help build a home!

To think that the counselling sessions are enough for a marriage is to pitch a gross failure for yourself beyond the nuptials.

And I wish the churches doing them would rather let the youth be built for a long period of time before they envisage marriage.

You ask why?

You just can’t plan a life in 3 to 6 months. Marriage doesn’t have 3 months handouts.

Have you not been preparing towards marriage and you are waiting for some counselling sessions? Then know that it is finished! Like… Kaput!

Even if you think you still can make it, well, get ready for a show of untold gagaphirolantiosis (I couldn’t find the right word to use).

If you’ve been rude, stupid, silly, lazy, unruly, and a spendthrift before you start those counselling sessions, you will only add more degrees to them when you get married — you won’t change!

At age 20, you have already built the values you will hold in marriage, except a higher knowledge falls on you.

You can’t be bad for the past 24 years of your life and change in 3 months before your wedding. It’s like bragging to stay under water for a year.

Note: when you see someone who have been ill-mannered all their life but starts behaving well few months to their wedding, watch out for their marital doom!

Here is something close…

By now you know it’s not uncommon to see a set of people who want to marry someone that will love them for who they are.

- She can’t cook and wants a man who would hate seeing her in the kitchen.
- He is so proud and wants a lady that’s humble to a fault.
- She just doesn’t like some variety of stuff and bent on changing.

They only want the partner that will glorify their inhibitions.

Does it sound like you? If yes, slap yourself.

And then we see another set of people who take pride in who they are, thereby looking out for a selfsame version of themselves.

I belong to the second set and I’ll tell you why.

Sleeping an average of 4 hours a day was a great strength to me as a single guy. I could even stay all night working and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Funny enough, I never liked sleeping in the same room with anyone that could influence my daily activities.

The worst part, I could count how many times I stayed in the living room in a year. I loved my room. And my privacy, too.

I was doing all those and happy but I look back now and wished I had undone them earlier enough.

Few years back, my elder brother had to call my attention to the monotonous lifestyle I had embraced. By then, I knew what awaited me in marriage.

While staying with my elder brother, I had issues with his wife who first thought I wouldn’t come to the living room because I didn’t like her. It was that pathetic!

Now I am married and can’t have all the time to myself. I would die trying to keep to how I used to work.

I have a daughter that will not be awake and you leave her to play all by herself. You must put her in your arms or she would weep. I mean the word weep.

Did I tell you I almost ran mad just few weeks following her birth? Yes! I had typhoid for the first time in my life and it nearly claimed my senses. Worst feeling after Tsunami!

I now have to sleep in the same room with my wife for God knows how many years, same thing I never wanted to do with anyone years back. What was I thinking!

TV? I still can tell I haven’t sat in my own living room for more than 5 times for the past one month. I have to learn.

Hey, you don’t have to make the same mistake as a single person!

Many people can take up projects, run businesses alone and do brilliantly well but will begin to see debacle the very moment they have a partner.

They would even argue that their life was so perfect before they started a relationship.

Well, if you know anyone like that, tell them they are right; right because they only built an intrapersonal relationship and not an interpersonal one.

Intrapersonal relationship is the one you have with yourself while interpersonal relationship is the one you have with people.

In all of this, you need to know that the fact that your life is working perfectly as a single person isn’t a yardstick of a blissful relationship.

Now I advise you to Plan a Life for Two

How?

Always check whatever you do now to see if having a partner will still give the same result. Remember, your partner might not like the stuff you hold sacred.

See this: she can’t sleep without the light on and about to marry the guy who can’t sleep with the light on… What do you think will happen in such a home?

One says, I know myself! Another says, this is just me!

Can you relate?

Just so you know, as little and harmless as a habit is, it can be the reason your relationship will crumble.

When you see the things that cause disagreements in some marriages, you would want to puke.

Many of those annoying principles and behaviours have been imbibed while growing up. We need to check them up.

So I’ll say, always find a balance in whatever values you hold about life because the simplest of things you do may be your undoing in a romantic relationship.

What do you do?

Fight your allergies. Hate your complacency. Detest your ego. Loathe your bad habits. Abhor your inhibitions. Kill your monotonous lifestyle. Strangulate your Inferiority complex and low self-esteem!

The good news?

You can start now! Start living a better life! Stop all those rubbish top 3 tips on relationships and build the life that people can emulate.

See you on the other side of a lovely marriage. Kisses.

Now that’s all for day two. Wait for Day 3 to 5.

And… Thanks for reading.

So, what do you think?

Facebook: facebook.com/lekanadegoke1

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